new post at www.ssy09.blogspot.com

I don't worth a penny..

"Sorry daddy..."

"ни высота, ни глубина
не смогут нас
отлучит от Христа"

Running up the staircase, my heart was beating with pulse over 100/min, and I am breathing over 20/min. It has been a week i waited, every Sunday is the day I get to go there and it's the very same day I started waiting for the next one.

I don't know how many times I will say, "I'm sorry daddy..."

But I know He has promised to forgive me if I truthfully come to repentance.

There are people I couldn't accept and there are people I love being with, but I know God looks at everybody the same. It's not because of you are quiet He loves you, but even you are noisy. Not on the very same day you accepted Him, you are totally changed, but it's the day you decided to be better.

Knowing my granduncle has gotten throat cancer, I recalled his life, his wife...... What will be in your mind on the day you are so weak, laying down on the bed, knowing you might not live till tomorrow and do not know where will you be heading towards?

Recalling back all you have been through, all that you have done on this earth, all that you have gone through, with or without help...... Why are you on this earth? Why are you working to survive for another day?

Some people says, " You have gone too far... thought too much... I do not know, but this is all that has been in my brain. And I know I have found the answer and I want to work out better. I can't and I am not good at all now, but I have no right to say to others, 'you are a bad servant of Christ' because I know I am not any better in God's eyes."

"I know You don't see through our eyes, please help everyone of us to understand this!"

there is a reason...

When the tears were flowing down my cheeks, I hardly understood how could it be. It's exams period and I couldnt concentrate. My eyes were blurred, and my brain was not running, I needed a rest.

I went up the stairs and came to this very familiar room. I used to be there and I am always comforted there. I like hiding inside the huge blanket and laying my head on the soft pillow. I didn't look up, didn't have eye contact with the owner but straight jumped onto the bed and said, " Can I nap for awhile?" And I knew the answer would be "Yes!"

I didn't want to share about it to her, simply because I need more time for my studies. Anyway, I told myself "I'm alright!".

Thank God was, after taking that nap, I could stay up for that morning.

A bad news strucked one of my friends at 5 o'clock in the morning. I ran up the stairs again, I couldnt speak a word but only could lend him a shoulder.

I believe, it's indeed a bad night for me. In everybody eyes, even myself, I wasted my time simply because of stupid emotional depression, but God had a greater plan for that morning. He planned for me to be the comforter, He planned for me to be the one that available. He works as His promises, "He work everything for GOOD for those who loves Him" (Romans 8:28)

Tons of tears I lost, tons of strength was down the drain. But that morning He ensured me that He has a purpose for my life, in a different aspect a different dimension!

"Keep using me as your vessel, God. I want to be who you planned me to be."

a brand new year!

3rd January, 6.19 a.m. it's holiday!! *not really though, more like a study week for us.*

I was trying to focus, but attempts failed. Got to keep trying though.

Being emotional this few days out of stress, but will be alright because My God is My strength!

Don't like getting angry over something because it wastes my time and energy and it doesn't bring any good. But, sometimes, I do get angry.

Don't like being discouraged due to disappointments because it troubles my mind and God reminded me, "...Do not be discouraged, for the Lord will be with you wherever you go." But somehow I need time to get rid of the bad emotions =)

I want to be obedient, because being obedient will bring less troubles to others. *though I'm quite rebellious in nature* Thank God for my parents that have taught me to well-behave.

I'm sorry because I'm not perfect, but i'm not a mistake, my dad planned when to have me because God first put the plan in his mind! =)

......I got to get back to work and get back on track and not going to be sad over things that is not in my control! =)

Thanks for reminding me about my own blog and I feel much better now..

it's 6.34 a.m. now, drinking thick thick coffee....