On call day...

Waking up in the morning, a little bit late, at 0715 I went reluctantly to the cupboard and grabbed a packet of noodles stating "DONE in 3 MINUTES!" Obviously I'll be late to hospital, but still, I don't want to rush. I just want to enjoy my breakfast slowly.

I like going there, I love the hospital, I love working there. The only thing that make me feel reluctant of is the distance. As usual, I got to travel 1 hour and the half just to get my feet at the hospital compound. Entering and walking towards the department will take me another 10 minutes. If I am in Ipoh, I would have reached Taiping by that time of traveling. Tiring......

Walking into the nurse room, I saw Tanya and all I said was "Privyet!" (Hello!). Tanya was happy seeing me and she offered me "Chai khochesh?" (Tea want? = Do you want a cup of tea?). "Da, spasibo!" (Yes, thank you!) We are not lazying around, it was just not the time yet for works to come!

We chatted for some time and there came the works. It's around 1130 and we got to get ready for injections at 1200. Counting the number of injections I have to prepared, I walked towards the "Protsedurnaya Komnata" (Prosedure room). This is the place I like the most. I like withdrawing the medicine from the ampules and putting up drips on the hanger. When all are done, Tanya will say "Dawai poidiom" (Let's go).

Ward to ward we went, and the first word we said was "Ukolchiki" (little injections). We called the patients' names and they would lie on their front with their buttocks ready. One by one we did and it came to the end. We went back to the same room, disposed the used needles and that's all for that moment.

I like the room, I like standing by the side of the huge window, looking out of the window, I actually see a small part of moscow. I can't describe how much I like moscow, more than malaysia. How great God is to have created things in order. How great is He, to have seperated the heaven and the earth. I like looking up to the sky, seeing the white and blue harmonising one another. Grey has no right to be there at all!

I like looking at the trees, waving. I like the breeze blowing towards my face. I simply like nature! Gaya called me from my back, "Dawai, Yin, chai popyom" (Let's drink tea, Yin)

I wished I could stay there a little longer, but, it's just too difficult to explain to them why am I standing there, so, well, "okay!" I said.

Have you ever felt how blessed are you living on this earth? I read a book and it says, "you will not feel contented because you don't belong to the earth, you are just a foreigner, temporary staying here." However, I feel blessed, I am looking forward for more to come, the better will be, but I feel blessed because I am under God's protection and each step I take, I know He measured well before hand. I learned that the more I feel worry, the more I am, the same for feeling blessed. The more I feel blessed, the more I am.

As usual, I am quite popularily loved by Ward 820. They just love seeing me. "Devuska, dawai davlenie izmerite, pozhalusta." (Girl, please measure blood pressure). I got shock when I came to this old lady, I didn't expect much because all these while her blood pressure was quite low and today it was 80/35. I asked "How are you? Do you feel dizzy?" "No, I am just feeling weak." "ok. Rest well, anything please press the signal." "OK."

I went off and told Tanya about it. She said "She is dying."

She is dying? A 83-year-old lady, having cancer in her stomach, hemoglobin keeps on dropping, from 70 to 60 till 40. The body seems like not wanting to fight against the cancerous cells. She is just too afraid to take another injection. I wonder, what is in her mind now......

I felt so boring sitting down and doing nothing once when I was working in another hospital. I fully understand how suffering it'll be for waiting. She doesn't read a book or watch television. She doesn't have friends or family visiting her. She doesn't able to get out of her bed, she is partially bed-ridden. How she actually feels when just lying down and waiting. What is she hoping for now? A relative to come saying "HI!", a doctor telling her you are all well and you will be discharged right now, or simply just close her eyes and never wake up again?

Everyday I woke up and there are some works waiting for me to drive me on for the day and I always thank God for letting me open up my eyes for another brand new day. How about her? Opening up her eyes will make her suffer for another day? I am lost for words, I simply just don't know how big is the burden in her heart, how big are the shoes she is wearing on now.

I wonder what her consultant will say. What will you say to a patient which you feel there is no hope and she is actually old enough to stop bearing the pain just to get rid of the cancer? I wanted to approach her and have a nice chat, to kills the boredom, but I have the language barrier, so well......sigh......How many doctors will actually have the time just to sit down by the side of the patients and listen to them? A friend told me this, "Being a doctor, you can't involve too much of your feelings towards the patient into it." I agree, but I just want to care and love them.

Do you actually know how much time you have left on earth? Do the best you can to feel better! The happier are the people around you, the happier you will be. =)